Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
