TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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