You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
