omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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