well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this beer tastes like vomit already
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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