dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
