i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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