Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
