they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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