Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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