i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
