Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
