Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
