I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
