I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
