like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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