I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
