i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
