giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Holy shit dude........stairs
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