Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
