shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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