you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
