I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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