Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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