8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
