I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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