Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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