i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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