Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
