Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
