So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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