the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
May the power of my ass compel you!!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
