covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
