I'm so fucking centered right now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize