So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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