I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
