yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
