Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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