just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
