She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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