i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
