ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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