Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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