tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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