Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
