Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize