I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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