She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
