We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
