A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
