It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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