And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
