11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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