I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
