i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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