I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
