I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
