My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize
