Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
