I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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