Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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