we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
